I’ve been married to my wife for over 10 years, but for the past two years of our marriage she has grown distant and mysterious to me. At first I thought that she was simply exhausted from working late almost every night, but eventually I began to doubt that she was always tired and started to think that there was a bigger issue at hand — like an affair. In all honesty it had been quite some time that we had been intimate or even friendly, and so I decided to get my wife back and asked her out on a date. I could tell that she was surprised, but she agreed and we ended up spending such an amazing time together. At the end of the night, my wife broke down crying and admitted to having an affair for the past year. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Affairs are a big deal, and for her to admit to having an affair for a year really hurt me, but I was happy to she came clean on the matter.
To be honest, I wasn’t that angry with my wife for cheating on me because I knew we hadn’t had a strong marriage for the past two years. I wanted to forgive her but I also didn’t want her to be off the hook too quickly because cheating is a serious matter. In order to grant her cheating forgiveness, I wanted to know about her affair. I told her that I was serious about fixing our marriage, and asked her if she wanted a divorce, to which she said no. She had been seeing the same person all year long, but told me she didn’t love him and wanted to fix our marriage as well. I told her that I would grant her cheating forgiveness is she called the person she was cheating with and broke it off immediately. She agreed and that night we talked for hours like we used to do.
In my case, it didn’t take long for me to forgive my wife because we had history, children, a home, and a life together. But I could understand how it could take people a very long time to get over cheating.
I was still hurt over the fact that my wife had a year long affair, but I couldn’t help but be accepting of it because of how distant we had been for the past two years. If she had done this to me when we were younger and crazy about one another, it definitely would have hurt more, but being hurt wasn’t going to stop me from forgiving her.
When dealing with a cheating partner, it can be hard to trust them right off the bat. Sure, my wife had ended her relationship in front of me, but I would still become a little paranoid whenever she was working late. At first, when we decided to start over, I would go through her phone every once in awhile and drop by her office in Omaha at night to drop her off some supper. This always seemed to please her which helped me trust her again.