By the time you’ve chosen to have an affair, there is already something seriously wrong with your relationship. Nine times out of ten, the problem is that you cannot sustain the mutual bond of monogamy. So once it happens, what do you do about it?
If you choose to be honest with your wife about your affair you should probably know that this could hurt her deeply. Coming clean if she suspects nothing is more of a benefit to you than her. You get to having the heavy burden off your chest, but now she has to live with the fact that her marriage is a fraud. But the key words here are “if she suspects nothing.” Coming out of the blue to tell your wife about your affair is a selfish thing to do. She will not respect your decision to be honest. Why not? Because you don’t even care enough about your marriage to try to hide it from her. Expect that if you do offer to tell your wife about the affair you’re having at a point when she had not suspected anything, she will be hurt, confused, and over the long term, she will come to resent you. It is almost never a wise or morally correct decision to offer this information to her out of the blue.
An equally horrible thing to do, is to lie to her if she suspects you’re having an affair. Denial at the point of being caught is an incredibly cruel thing to do. Here is why:
Firstly, it’s cruel. It’s cruel to make someone doubt their own sanity in order to assuage your guilt. It’s cruel to make people feel stupid for figuring out something that is in fact true. If she suspects you cheated on her, and you did cheat on her, don’t insult her intelligence by lying to her about or denying it. The correct and only useful thing you can do at this point is to come clean and take responsibility. If you don’t you’ll wish you had. You may get her to believe you for a short while but her suspicions will always remain in the back of her mind and it’s only a matter of time before she figures the rest out herself. So now you’re on the hook for two things. The first is cheating on her, and the second is lying to her. Your marriage is far more likely to end amicably if you admit what you did when you were confronted about it in the first place.
Lying to her face outright is basically the worst thing you can do. It is an almost impossible thing for a woman (or anyone) to forgive. Why? Because it makes them doubt their own judgment and instincts. If the confront you with the belief that you’ve cheated and you have and you light to their face about that, you can be certain of two things. Firstly, they will find out. Secondly, you’re a scumbag. You’ve basically made someone doubt their own judgment and sanity to get out of a tight spot. Be a better man than that.
If you’re interested in having an affair online there are a number of good internet sites that provide that service. The problem is they’re hidden among several scam websites which are looking to steal your credit card information. You need to be careful about which sites you sign up for, but if you sign up for the right ones, online affair dating can be very rewarding. For whatever reason, if you’re sexual relationship with your spouse isn’t working out, millions of individuals with the same problem are signing up for these sites and meeting up and bonding. A healthy sexual relationship with someone is basic human need. If you’re not getting that at home, then it’s completely unfair of you to remain celibate. You only have one chance to live this life. You should take every opportunity to live it fully. Just be a man and take responsibility for it if you get caught.
Whatever you choose to do moving forward, remember to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. People stay in bad marriages for all kinds of lame reasons nowadays. Sometimes divorce just isn’t practical. Sometimes people in unhealthy marriages choose to move forward together, but seek their sexual relationships elsewhere. All this can be managed amicably and doesn’t need to end with two people who once loved each other, hating each other.
The best course of action is to be honest with your wife about your feelings before anything happens. But life is too damn short to remain celibate. You deserve better than that.